Hi...!
Long time no see...!
Until now, I have finished all my undergraduate courses. Possibly I will slowly post much of my work.
However, to avoid forgetting, I need to list the operation command of the hexo blog there.
清除hexo缓存: hexo clean.
重新生成hexo: hexo g.
将hexo推送到设置好的服务器上: hexo d.
运行本地服务器: hexo s. Seen on 4000 port.
新建博文: hexo new file name. Blog title can be set in
.md file.
新建页面（不太常用）: hexo new page name.
tags - study
categories - Math&Physics, Biology, CS, abroad, others...
I thought it had been almost two years since I posted my first blog Hello World. Through these two years, I feel like I underwent too many matters --
I have achieved so many awards and honors, but have lost almost all of them; I have met so many people, but have bid farewell to many of them; I have gathered my confidence and constructed line of defense in my mind, but have destructed and lost all of them.
Within all the study stages in my life (since junior high school), it seems that I am always following the same route -- a hopeful beginning but without too many requirements, a rising development with earnest endeavor, a surprising and even inconceivable achievement, followed by an unexpected turning point, then a longlasting low tide and a dreary end, forgetting what it was like at the beginning.
My undergraduate study does not avoid this fearful route, either. Two years ago, when I was trying to build this blog, I had just finished my serious and hard work in the first year. I got high scores, completed so many matters, and had fun with a bunch of friends. Three months later I was awarded the 2021-2022 National Scholar because of my great performance. However, with tons of unexpected things such as the covid, the break-ups with two exes, the effort to please exes during break-ups, as well as the increasing difficulty and amount of my courses, I felt like I could not handle all these things well, and could not find back the previous state of mind when I put many endeavors in my study. During the spring term of 2023, I went through two sets of final exams with 15 courses, all of which have been influenced by either PUAs or break-ups with my ex (right I am such a weak and cowardly person). After that, I felt like I could not gather my mind and pay much attention when studying, resulting in dissatisfactory scores. It continues today. Now I have already given up all the dreams I had before -- excellent scores, wonderful scholarships, and dream schools...
I am on the same route, arriving at the same dreary end again.
Therefore, to some degree, it can be a kind of suffering when I turn back to my experience and try to archive my notes. No matter how I wrote them earnestly at that time, I finally reached this sad end.
But I will still try... I archive them, trying to keep the record that I endeavored to be excellent before.